A life of cancelation

February 6, 2022
2 min read

A 2 day training program was canceled within the next day. I feel a bit demoralized.

Training work made me feel important, powerful. I realize it produced a lot of serotonin and oxytocin. There was a also constant dopamine rush unknowing of how the participants will behave. The threat of a bad review always pumped up the adrenalin in me. Then at the end, whatever cortisol build up was there lead to endorphin making me feel at peace.

Training made me feel on top of the world every time.

Consulting work, also produced these hormones but over a longer period of time. Still it filled me with lots of low dose of serotonin.

However the good thing now is that i can create those hormones through online chatting and my daily routine.

Before i had skipped online chatting but i realize it was a mistake. But it is the learning process.

Also this blog increases my serotonin level making me feel important although in future value, that also may be but the delusion is good enough.

online chatting provides oxytocin of the amount i need and dopamine also. with me now chatting as a meditation expert, it also adds seretonin. At times when there is a potential threat or opportunity, andrenalin is produced. All is good because there is practically zero new karma created. May be some old karma of exchange is fulfilled.

So as a whole i have discovered a life parallel to an earlier life. This is life that doesn’t depend on anything, one that i might as well live when i die. wow.