Lately I am being torn with conflicting thoughts. On one hand I love my life and and on the other hand I wish that I had another life. The life that I have now is one of peace and joy. But what is lacking is action and adventure. The life that I seek is one which has what I miss, that is one with action, adventure, excitement. But yeah, such a life would take away the peace and happiness. So it’s impossible trade-off, but that’s because it’s impossible for me to. Go back to that old life that I miss.
Many things make it impossible. First of all, the economy has changed and there is no more opportunities for the type of work that you do for. It just doesn’t exist anymore. Secondly, I don’t need that money, so I’m not forced by myself to take up such stress and uncertainty even if opportunity came in front of me. Thirdly, I think that I am really out of the game and I will not be able to enjoy that lifestyle even though I enjoy it.
I have the sense that other people are enjoying life more than me, but I know that it is false and there can be no one who has it better than me. I. For some of my old colleague, the CEO’s of great organizations and we’re able to hear the great power and have great influence and status and I am alone with no influence, just dictating your my words the computer. I feel that I missed out, but I know that it’s not true and if they could they would get out of the game, but they cannot get that they have.
Maybe if I had the chance, I would explore power and status. But I know that there is no happiness in that turned out the measurable. If I had this karmic debt, I would definitely would be doing that leadership role. But I have no debt to them. I don’t owe anybody. I don’t owe those shareholders. So definitely I don’t have to help them become rich.
That said, I still feel bored with lack of stimulation. I don’t listen to stipulation. I like library Boring now. I really don’t like any surprises. I think it’s just the reminiscence of my past experiences, that’s haunting me now, where I seek the old stimulations even though this is not what I’m seeking.
I cannot imagine myself having a food bank, job or 24 hours, that innovation and the future of the people working in it that is a life. That is something that I do not want anymore. I cannot imagine myself rubbing the shoulder with great personalities and knowing that I’ve missed out spending time with my family and offering small services, that is great help to them even though it has no financial value.
The irony of life is that the most important things that contribute the most to your own karma are not measured in terms of money or social status. Instead, what is? For your own happiness has money attached to it and social prestige. It doesn’t pay to be nice to your mother or wife, but it pays to be nasty to people and make them pay, earn by making other people sweat and having to spend money by compulsion with the cleverness of your mind. You can earn lots of money and the respect of your colleagues by being nice. It doesn’t matter that in the end the same people will face themselves were great calamities and pain that is directly caused by their negative karma of the past. That is because when they perform those bad karma, they were not aware of it and this one cannot see the link between the current disaster that they are facing in their lives and their past actions. In fact, this is the biggest punishment. And still works is that they will never know it.
Myself having seen all this directly , I cannot engage myself into this negative karma that I’m binding and that will lead to misery in the future. It is hard for me to make this decision not to play the game again, but I know that this is in my best self-interest. What is the point of having millions and billions of money but being unable to enjoy it because your senses have been twarthed and you are unable to enjoy anything that is in front of you.
So yes, I feel pain as I sit here doing nothing on the sidelines while all the people my age are playing the game and getting the kick out of being nasty and sometimes nice being ovulated. But his pain is nothing compared to the pain that they will suffer in a short while. And I want nothing of that pain.
So I will keep bearing this in all of the cast out of the game and having to stay on the sidelines watching them becoming heroes. I’m not staying idle though, and I’m able to enjoy my life and make adjustments which are much more far reaching than what they are currently doing. So I have nothing to complain.
The challenge of life is the choice that you have to make. You’re have to make the choice of becoming last but happy compared to becoming 1st, and I’m happy. You last what it is possible to be first and happy? Well, it’s not possible. Life doesn’t occur that way. However possible become last and unhappy. It’s not enough that you do not play the game, you have to play the game of life that is independent of the fruits of actions and is purely based on the goodness and idealism of life. And that is the life that I have chosen for myself.
