My own little Trauma

August 18, 2023
2 min read

Today I woke up from a dream that brought in me feelings like I was 28 years old at the bottom of my career having been made redundant in organisation that I truly believe in. The dream was about my ex boss in Singapore and as usual he was disappointed with me.

That then I want to be his follower and to work in making him a great personality in his fields by supporting him. But for some reasons even by having invested in me so much, he was not keen to have me as a follower and instead looked up for other people who eventually betrayed him. I didn’t ask lots of money just enough to hang around but somehow he didn’t get it or he didn’t want it or he didn’t see something in me that he wanted. Which are the reason the outcome was that I had to leave and come back to my country.

those days I was ignored and a subject of disappointments for no apparent reason, Urdu now I know that it is not true and I know the reason but at that time it seem that way. Basically those days are kind of trauma for me that still thinkers till today and it makes me feel small and helpless even now.

I do not playing my ex boss, no other I think that I am very sensitive person. I think that trauma was necessary for me to get the energy to do what have done in my life in last 20 years. And even those dreams that I have on a regular basis about those old days and the dark feelings that day bring are necessary for me now to find energy it to meet my next challenge that I have on the taken or that I am always under taking.

knowing the truth doesn’t make this feeling less. I feel unwanted, helpless, hopeless, angry, disappointed, frustrated. I was able to transform those feelings into a strong will power and creativity in cashing on whatever tell me they had and the next 20 years give me everything that I could have wanted when I was young.