I thought a lot about the pains I felt about work. then I realized it was all fun like a hobby only if i didn’t take it too seriously as if my life depended on it. I have no liabilities and only assets. Those I don’t want to pursue like recievables I can forgive and let the universe do its bidding.
All I need to do is have fun while playing the game. it can come to an end any time and I could not care a least about it.
I compare this state with that in corona lockdown when I had zero adrenaline rushes. Now at every moment I get a threat. I react and adjust to it. Before corona it was part of my life and I believed it was real and then I did not have the time to see the futility and the meaninglessness of it despite the urgency and the financial side. Without these so called false ego activities , i would not have an income. So it is not as false as i say. However it is not as real as these activities would want us to believe they are.
I came out of that world long time back at 42 and then at 46, it was a total retirement. Now I am back in the game at 48. 50 is the next milestone. I wish I could go being 60 and see what was awaiting me at that time. but it is not possible.