As we grow into marriage, I have realized people need to learn that even though they are physically together, they can be on separate islands of priorities, concepts, values, attitudes, aspirations. The emotional outcome of such pseudo isolation is painful and so paradoxical that most people try one of two things:
#Patch up anyhow and join the two islands, thus negating oneself totally
#since the couple is on two emotional/mental/spiritual island already, then get separated physically and legally
In the second path, is temporary release from this acute pain is experienced but since I’ve not taken that path and basing my judgment on movies and extrapolation, I think that another form of pain would take over, that of disillusionment.
In the first path, is also a relief but since I’ve not taken that path either, I think later, the pain of emptiness would take over.
Married for almost a decade, I want to share with you that, there is a third path. It’s much more joyful and pain disappears but it’s a paradox and so accepting it is the hard part.
#watch this emotional separateness between you and your spouse like you would a cold winters night. You don’t get pain when suddenly it rains dogs and cats because you know things like that happen and the sky didn’t have a grudge against you. similarly when the island effect comes in your life, expect it and remember your spouse hasn’t got malice, even though you wish I was wrong.
Then the rain stops. By then most people have killed either their soul or their relationship.
It’s simple but when you are stranded on that island, your mind doesn’t usually think straight.
That’s the problem and the solution is to remember that there is always a better way to handle any situation.
