Dualities of conflict

April 9, 2011
2 min read

Is conflict :

  1. good or bad
  2. desirable or undesirable
  3. unavoidable or avoidable

Should the objective of conflict be:

  1. to end or to start
  2. for a purposeful end or just to dominate
  3. to vent off anger or to dissolve anger

Conflict is a such a thing many of us are in dilemma about.  Thumb rules are:

  1. As far as possible avoid conflict and walk away
  2. when it is avoidable, make sure you calculate what you say, how you say, what you repeat
  3. conflict leads to regret but if the above calculations are made well, regret can be minimized
  4. don’t engage in  conflict when you are stressed, tired, sick or upset.  These symptoms will only increase and you will lose or win but create irreparable damage
  5. When tears start falling and volumes get too high, take a break. 

What is the cause of conflict?

It can be summarized into just one concept: expectation gap. 

  • What i expect is so contradictory to what he/she wants that conflict is natural recourse
  • What i want is so different from what he/she wants that conflict occurs naturally

Another aspect of conflict is the one going on inside of us.  It is called internal conflict. 

  • to eat or not
  • to drink or not
  • to take option 1 or option 2

The root of all this conflict is one: Lack of Clarity.  Sadly some of us are born with it, others grow in it, and yet others spend arduous time in its pursuit.  Those who don’t take one of the three paths, remain condemned to confusion.  Confusion leads to internal conflict. 

Then it is simple.  Imagine two couples starting from point A , going to point B.  Couple 1 is clear and thus head straight to point B , but couple 2 is not clear and thus are in continuous conflict.  Who will reach point B first? 

Obviously couple 1 will. 

Now couple 1 and couple 2 can be compared to conflicting aspects within us.  Yes, you got my point.  If you are in conflict inside, you won’t make it to the finish line. 

Well , conflict is a difficult component of existence.  We all have fallen it in, but few have been able to transform it into a positive force. 

This is not only an art but a transferable skill.  More of this in another blog.