Dealing with Insults with Wisdom

By manohar man shrestha
In On Life/Success
December 22, 2012
3 min read
When someone insults you there are just three possible reactions but many ways to reach any decision to which of those reactions to complete.
  1. To be forget it
  2. To counter
  3. To keep grudge
But to reach to any one of the there points we go through a process of which many aren’t aware.
  1. Who made the insult
    1. Senior
    2. Junior
    3. Colleague
    4. Stranger
  2. Was there a fault from my side based on johari window
    1. That I am aware of
      1. And the other is also aware of
      2. And the other is not aware of
    2. That I am not aware of
      1. And the other is also aware of
      2. And the other is not aware of
  3.   under which circumstances was the insult made
  4. Intention vs perception
    1. Intention was to insult and you perceived it as insult
    2. Intention wasn’t to insult and you perceived it as insult
    3. Intention was to insult and you didn’t perceive as insult
    4. Intention wasn’t to insult and you didn’t perceive as insult
  5. Could the same point have been made in non offending manner?
  6. What is at stake if I choose any of the three options
    1. Loss of Dignity if I forget it
    2. Loss of Job or business or relationship if I counter
    3. Mental disturbance if I keep grudge
  7. All three are bad feelings but then with this particular person, time of life and circumstance, which one is least un desirable?
  8. Once a path is chosen, we collect memes or old sayings to support the nearest decision
    1. For Loss of Dignity :
      1. “Dhud dine gai ko lati pani sahanu parcha” or one must tolerate the kicks of a cow that gives milk
      2. Seniors are seniors you must not mind them
      3. Juniors are juniors you must not mind them
    2. Loss of Job or business or relationship
      1. honour is everything, tooth for a tooth, head for a head
      2. if you tolerate wrong, you are promoting it
      3. If you let anyone hit you once, they will get on your head
    3. Mental disturbance:
      1. Once an enemy always an enemy
      2. The day of doom will come
      3. My day will also come, wait
  9. Thereafter, we choose one of the three reactions
  10. At times we might be tempted to take another choice among the three but then we go back to our values system where one of the above memes are stored and playing.
  11. People usually can’t change their memes without serious intervention that they must allow so they will keep reacting the same way.
So there are three reactions to an insult and ten steps to reach any one of them. People go through them in a few seconds to even a year or more.