It is strange to be at this phase of life where there is total disillusionment. you just experience everything as a compulsion. It makes you feel so alone. you can’t confide to anybody because they have time for you or you done things that they percieve as transgression. in this way they find an excuse to ignore you.
There is no companionship when you see the world in its true colors. Yet only oneself is the one that will stand you and understand you. Many people don’t have that skill and their conscience is their enemy. They go and find external validation of their actions but it is only temporary like my loneliness is temporary. The truth can’t be hidden for long.
I am truly in this emotional island. I don’t need to on vacation. I am alone in my world.
All this makes me stronger.
But i wish sometimes there was somebody i could call my own at the spiritual level. But that is a mirage because that entity is only oneself. No one can cope with my spirituality and may be i can’t tolerate other’s.
I just realize that the longer i live, the less people will know me as so much depth inside of me.
But it suffices i can live with myself , my ambiguity, my madness, my uniqueness. Many people don’t have such a luxury.
