As I am listening to songs of the late 90’s and early 00’s , i am getting nostalgic but i don’t miss the old days. I just recall how I was alone in those times in Singapore trying to find my identity. I was selfish. I had left my mother alone at home. But i needed this break from all. I needed to free, wild and reckless at least once in this life. And i was. I spent all the money i earned in things i could not even imagine today.
Today I am alone again, but not in an island with something to prove and something to find. No instead I am alone but with nothing remaining to prove and nothing left to find. My mother is with my wife and son. They are together eventhough I am alone.
I feel good and kind of reborn. But this time i am screwing things up. I guess i have screwed up enough.
I miss my wife. I guess i have seasoned. No ambition is blinding me. It took me 44 years to be normal, human, accept life. But it has been a wonderful journey.
Tomorrow I am going home. Last two years i was somehow stuck ‘home’. I had to finish my karma.
Why does it take us so long to realize that what we have in life is the best thing for us? Finally I don’t care about Bill Gates, Jeff Bezoz, the Google guys. Before i wanted to be like them and was not sure i could not be like them. But after the last 2 years as an entrepreneur i realized that i could become like them if i sacrificed my current identity. That i realized i didn’t want. I could but i don’t want.
No i don’t need to be a billionaire so as to give all that money away. I don’t need to give any money away to any cause. I am happy to just be who i am I am:
a son, a husband and a father
a management consultant/trainer/writer
a spiritual person
O god , i am happy now. Alone in my hotel room, truly alone. No ambition is with me.
