Will I ever make it? Make it what? Life is just so boring a few days since. And I am enjoying this boredom because I know it is a sign of success. Just a few months ago, i could not afford to feel bored. I always had to be alert because if not I might have ruined my life, my career. I tried everything, even trying to become an entrepreneur. I could have continued and i might have even succeeded. But i just didn’t want to work harder. I had done enough for a a lifetime, i reckoned and so I dropped it. why toil for something i don’t need or that i know i will not enjoy once i make it also.
Life was so different for me mainly because i am different. it is an amazing state to be ‘me’. I fit in no box.
But then I get a bit concerned when I see the 50 years of healthy life ahead of me. what am i going to do with my life? Unlike as a kid, I know all the things I will not do despite all the rewards they might promise me. No. 1 I don’t need them. No.2 I don’t care about them.
So if illusion can’t motivate me to do stupid things, and right things don’t show up as many times as they should, what should i do?
Definitely, I am not going to do things that will bind me or will affect my inner peace. that is my first criteria.
So what does life hold for me? Frankly at this point in time: i don’t know.
I feel supreme bliss, absolute comfort and unshakable security. They are so intense I can’t believe them intellectually. It is just not theoretically possible. I have money but not that much to feel this way. People think I am successful, but not enough people would want to emulate me to justify my sense of accomplishment. I have done so little. I have travelled so little. Yet I feel I am climbed mountains so large no one has climbed yet and that I have seen more of the world than the most traveled ones.
Yes this feeling is insane. It is as if I am on cannabis, even though i would not know a thing about this since i don’t consume even alcohol.
So where is all this sensation leading me to? Definitely new horizons will open up for me as they always did. My life is full of surprises. I have just figured out too much of the world to be bothered by any one:
- getting a promotion
- becoming famous
- earning a billion selling his company
- buying a sports car or a yatch
- traveling the world
I felt before I was missing something compared to them but i know now I am not and that if i had wanted i could have got these too but then i was not willing to sacrifice what was needed. Nothing comes for free and certainly not the above things.
