I realise that I love my work of being a trainer and consulting people. It is like my craft. I feel zen, the flow and in the zone when I do these activities. What totally kills my zen is making phone calls, organizing , making decisions, reading legal documents, replying to emails, doing PR work, quarelling , competing. As an entrepreneur I tried to do all these. I mainly rejected the idea of being an entrepreneur because all its activities takes me out of my flow.
May be if i hadn’t found training and consulting, I could have found the flow as an entrepreneur, but it takes too long to produce results so that would never create a sensation of flow. In the short run if i could get a kick of winning opponents, I could get a flow but I hate competition.
So what am i going to do with my life?
When i was not even 20, out of no where, i wrote down 3 things i will not do in my life to be rich, and i will be the richest man on earth despite not doing these three:
- not own any companies
- not have any title
- not have any physical office
amazingly after 30 years, my professional life is still governed by these 3 conditions. I even tried to bypass my initial ideas by trying to become an entrepreneur, but i self-sabotaged my own rise.
So I am back to training and consulting, but I know it is not enough. I just don’t know exactly what else i need to do. But I must do something more.