February 27, 2022
2 min read

It has been about 3 months since I re-started online chatting. This served me Calm myself like alcohol or cigarettes would do.

I am filled with dopamine, esterogen, androgen & oxytocin. I discovered a lot about human biology or chemistry.

I realise people get out of control & this phase become an addiction.

In my case I think karma is also involved. All these people I meet, I must have some karma. So maybe this urge to connect is not only about boredom but karma itself.

In meditation I connect totally with nothingness, but in chatting I connect with infinity of cyber space. In meditation, there is no dopamine, but may be there is. In chatting there is dopamine.

I am getting tired of chatting like in earlier cycles but this time I found a reason to continue in my ending of a strong need to meditate to a need to connect.

But I think this time I should continue until I don’t find a new meditation State.

This time I move to other apps & it feels akin to picking up girls from a disco.

This time I was able to be an asshole, a jerk, a dirty old man, a flirt. Things I can never be. But in all this madness I found, I am finally always the same kind teacher.