Every year around this time, people in Nepal get an amazing holiday where nothing happens and people are left with their families and themselves. Various people use these 5 days in various ways.
Myself I use them to do 3 things :
1. Assess my last year
2. Assess how I am feeling and my state of delusion as compared to years earlier
3. Assess how I will spend the coming year
This year is different in all three assessments as compared to before. Many things are different for the better.
I feel I have arrived. All these years were a relentless journey towards a peaceful situation. I am 41 years old and I have arrived.
It feels like a new birth, like I am starting from zero.
Delusion – is inevitable. Even now I might be deluded in thinking that I arrived. It is only later we are able to separate what was delusion from what was real.
Where to am I to go now? I have arrived and it feels so blissful, so complete . Yet I must continue.
Last year this time I was so occupied in my mind to survive. It was was so hard. But with my wisdom, strategic thinking and hard work, I came out a winner in all the dozen races I was running.
Before 2 years, it was still harder. I had to break off from an illusonary world I created. Staying there was all I wanted but everything in me told me it was time to go.
3 years back, it was a delusion of a false state of having arrived. I knew it then too but I played along.
4 years back , I got fixated on a new direction for my life that although was impermanent would be the basis of my future.
5 years back , was the beginning of a new era for me. It was a smooth transition.
