To me this loft is my office, at the top of my house.
I can’t imagine myself in an office with people watching me, with colleagues. that would be hell for me.
I had been having dreams of an impending change. I always think it is about my career but usually it is about my spiritual path.
I am often torn between career choices. At times i want to be the big shot CEO but then i quickly realize it is not what i want eventhough i could easily be the best.
then i would like to be associate to an organization and make it grow. but i don’t want to be carrying responsibility. I have done enough of this and earned all i needed.
But how am i going to spend the rest of my life?
It is at these times i wish i had a battalion of friends but then i would have been tired of them. I am guided by other higher forces.
so that I have managed to live and survive. This time also I will. Delusions after delusions i have lived, and outworn them. this time it is different as there is no delusion. I am what i am now: a trainer and management consultant. I am very good at my job.
Still now i don’t know which direction it will go. I have developed all the necessary systems and habits for any eventuality. so I know that I just wait.
Understanding my life is not easy.
If material success was the only agenda like for others, it would be quite straightforward. but this is a tiny fraction in the spiritual success i am striving for. Before the weight of the material success bothered me but now it doesn’t. So far all i need is to bring in enough money and have some work and a respectable status. I have that. I don’t need to crave for greatness. If it is meant to be, it will be.
So I sit, I read, I write, I exercise, I nap, I enjoy life, I take care of my family. I live everyday, one day at a time.
