The life I lead is so unique, I am facing difficulties to understand it myself.
I look back at my life and I realize that there are always abnormal amount of time I needed to simply meditate, contemplate, reflect, think, read, write. During these times I needed to overblow minor problems like a whiny kid but of course to myself only to convince myself out of it.
My mother and wife have seen me in those phases , my mother the most. they are cool with me staying home and doing nothing because again and again I always came out of this phase to live an active life for sometime. Then I would either screw things up or the other people would lose their liking of me and I would be back again in this phase of solitude.
At 45 I just know that I don’t need a dramatic phase of activity but again I would not be able to decide out if it was destined. But even if it was destined, I am now able to know what I really want: unlimited personal time.
It is the practice thus I am working on the 7th and 8th Siddhi.