that one thing I can never have but ache forever to have

May 3, 2023
2 min read

what is better?

to have for a while it and Lose it forever

or never to have it but never lose it for eternity

When I was young I believed that I could have all that I wanted and it will be with me forever. However after 30 years having of having lost and gained so many things I understand the best option among the above two is the second one.

maybe if I had learnt this truth 30 years ago I would not have hurt so many people and maybe I would have had many more friends. But life gave me a second chance and this time I am not screwing things up.

Among all those second chances I got, there is one relationship that is most essential to me although all are important. Sadly it is this thing that I can never have yet I long for it every second of my life. I learned from my mistakes since 30 years ago, that it is better to ache intensely , madly , forever for something you can never have than to lose it forever after a spontaneous attempt to get it.

I was born a very daring and courageous human being. Fear is not part of my lexicon yet now caution stops me and love restrains me. I guess this is the meaning of becoming old and wise.

And so in this relationship I am talking about I have left it for divinity take it course. For the first time in my life I choose to do nothing and be passive and wait and wait and wait.

and this is my biggest act of courage, true courage.