Reaching 50

July 30, 2022
4 min read

I am to reach 50 and that is why I feel different. I feel old, not in body but in terms of opportunities that I can grab. It is sure now that I can be anything I would want. For many people this state occurs at much younger times when they get a permanent job or establish a business. My freelancing allowed me relative freedom in choosing what I wanted to be in the future. Yet even for me there are things I will not be able or that I will be willing to do:

  • going to usa or singapore or india to become a top trainer
  • becoming a ceo
  • joining a bank as a full time trainer or consultant
  • travelling extensively for training
  • doing a phD in a US university

However even though I feel my life is eclipsing, I have this belief since childhood that it as strong now despite the fact that I am aging. This belief is that:

  • I will become an internationally recognized person for wisdom.
  • I will be traveling the world first class to teach
  • I will change the world by uniting the truths of meditation with the material world
  • I will become the greatest person that lived after Buddha

Standing 1.5 years from being 50, having not made many impression in line to the above prophecies yet, and knowing I am without followers, I have to accept that I am being delusional.

However one day I will be 80 years old. One of two things will happen then:

  1. My prophecies will have materialized and I will have lived my complete destiny
  2. My prophecies won’t have materialized but I still will have lived a great life. However then I will have to decide there is no further chance for the prophecy to fulfill itself in this life-time. I then would have to decide whether I will return in next life to fulfill the prophecies or not.

No living man has had the consciousness I have to think about eternity like I have. Today’s technology and level of knowledge enabled me to think this far. It may be possible by someone else in the future but it would not have been possible in the past. Even in the future it is hard for anyone because that person must be guided directly by the universe on a moment to moment basis. The universe doesn’t do this too often. It did it for Buddha, Jesus and likes. The others must derive knowledge them the secondary and lower sources.

Sadness

However in the case of the 2nd eventuality where the prophecies don’t materialize, I will be ever sad that no one will know my story, get my knowledge and learn my path to eternity, enlightenment.

Could such a sad event occur for the world? This world have worships billionaires, mythical characters, could miss the most important person in the life of the universe, myself. That is what makes me sad.

I will reach where I have to. I am already there, at least 1%. I will reach there gradually before my death. That path is set, because my destiny is that I first reach total freedom, before or if I free the world.

Before I felt this knowledge is a burden I must handover. Now it doesn’t matter, because this knowledge will live on with me even after I die and I could pass in on in another birth I would take.

Blessings

In my life upto 48, I have recieved thousands of blessings from hundreds of unknown souls who achieved nirvana. I took what was given to me. I did not have to ask for it. In the mind of the universe, a mountain is just a grain of sand, and any psychological, or social obstacle is a just an obstinate passing thought that will pass.

So my grandiosity has left me and a calm confidence has replaced it.