Before the corona virus lockdown I had questions inside me like:
- how long will it continue this way? Busy, running to exceed targets?
- As I was going to fetch my wife, I wondered is this routine going to go on till I’m 60?
- In the trainings, I wondered whether I am going to repeat the same shallow stuff till 80?
- When looking at the expensive cars in the streets, I asked so is it going to continue like this every year people upgrading?
- Watching the exploits of billionaires, I asked so won’t they ever learn that they are just puppets in the grand scheme of life?
- Will I have to wait till i’m 80 to make the next step inside me?
- won’t my wife ever experience having to stay home?
The coronavirus answered all these questions.
I miss only one thing: swimming. I lost money in the membership but I don’t regret, I don’t know why i though I do.
I am amazed at myself in that I don’t need to have friends to talk. My friend is myself & writing, that is why. Any other friendship becomes a gradient automatially with them sharing their problems with me. then I get nothing. It has never been equal relationship. I don’t want to give my professional friendship for free. I’d rather explore the universe because I don’t have to discover my talent anymore: it is done.
May be I will die unknown but it doesn’t matter. I dont need Rip’s from strangers just because they know me. I need money to survive, respectability to be dignified, influence to get by. I made enough of these. The rest such as wealth, fame & power don’t mean anything for me.
I am not optimistic even after the lockdown. Training will come last. But maybe there will be need to motivate & re skill people. But i’m not going to die for any opportunity as :
- I don’t need the money
- Even if the money came, I can’t spend it, in travel
- I’m too old for such naivety & vanity.
It is raining. im cold in the balcony. im signing off.
