tears are dropping from my eyes now as i recall my father after a conflict filled walk-tour with my own son. He can hate me and i can hate him but we both will be there tomorrow to reconcile.
But my father died after conflicts without me being able to know him or even reconcile. that is the worst part of losing someone i guess. the pain of the absence will heal, and the difficulties will be made up by other poeple and opportunities or simply money, but knowing that you will never be able to meet and just quarrel is a feeling that can never be healed and that is what life is about.
I was at school, and my uncle came to pick me up to see my father who had just died. A Mr.Berry by teacher came along.
I saw my father dead.
Soon I was at the funeral pyre and i put my father in flames.
I could not cry, i never really cried as it is not my nature. To me he was always there. I guess it is only now in 2020 at 46 that i really cried that he had died. today also i still know he is with me.
He is waiting. it is going to me a long wait.
I know my past life. In it i made him cry by leaving him and shattering his expectations. But in that life i had no option other than that , i had to go. i needed to find enlightenment.
In this life, he left me.
I have made so much progress in this life, i don’t know what kind of life i will be after i die this time. so all those people who are in my circle will be automatically alleviated.
so i guess i enjoy having misunderstanding with my own son, because i can live it for my father.
again heavy tears drop from my eyes. i feel and know he is here.
This life i had to live without a physical father. All the learning and experience i got could only come from a spiritual hidden invisible father.
I don’t know yet how and in how much sorrow my father and mother died with me so far away, but i can imagine it was not pleasant.
In this life, especially after corona virus i could complete the many steps of my spiritual life that otherwise could not have been possible.
So now i just feel alright.
I know he is happy waiting for us. Everything turned out fine.
