For the first time, i think, I miss my home and family while travelling. My wife had a bad mood for many years and travelling was like a breath of fresh air before. But now she too mellowed down and I miss her on travel. It is good.
Before my appendix operation, I was perplexed by my sexuality. I guess others use alcohol and socializing to subdue that but i let it affect me bluntly. I understood it and transmuted it.
Now sexuality is non-existent. I rose above it in this life at 44 completely starting at 42.
This has created an immense void in my time. Before sexuality filled the empty moments but now since it is non existent, i need to find new things. Well, exercise and audiobooks, are filling the time. It is good. Last 2 years, i was busy with the idea of creating this company.
I am amazed at how i sincerly believed i was going to be competitive business owner, with staffs and meetings etc.
But now that this delusion too is gone, the void is so deep. it is like a bottomless pit and i am standing at its edge.
It is like insatiable monster, I am wondering what to fill it with.
