Yesterday my swimming session took the form a deep psychotherapy session.
In the afternoon after a happy normal holiday, I was overtaken by my shadow “the prostitute”. I felt i was taken advantage of by my wife and my family. Not like a victim but that i had prostituted myself to them, yes to get things but i felt it was too much and that I had to give up so much.
This is a re-occuring theme in my life. The first time it occured heavily was when i was 28 with my sister over a pot of curd for which i had to pay. I just lost my composure.
It is just sad people are uneducated about shadows. Actually i too was uneducated until a few months ago.
I used various theories like scientology’s engram, hindu mythology’s repressed soul concept. But only when i learned about shadow personality did it all fit in.
However the therapy needed more than psycho analysis. It needed knowledge of past life regression.
So here i go with my therapy.
I allow myself to be taken away all my control because of my past lives understanding that if i had to be in control, I would give up and walk away. So in order for me to stay, all i had to do was to give up controls.
I know in my past life I was a great monk. I left my family like the Buddha did because I didn’t want to be entangled in responsibility. In those days, it was the fashion so as to speak and also people’s intellect and archetype were not as progressive a now.
I always recall the question of Mayadevi , the wife of Siddhartha.
couldn’t you pursue whatever your spiritual agenda in the palace with your family?
Buddha didn’t have any answer because in those days it was not the custom. In this life I wanted things to change. But in order for me to pursue my spiritual life at home with my family, I had to give up control of money, and ownership.
My wife is happy to take control and so is my mother. In this life they are wise and educated and with so many modern female archetypes , it is easy and acceptable for them.
Thus in this life I could live life a renunciant even more carefree than a monk or a master overseeing an ashram.
Sometimes this pact I made in heaven, irritates me because as a man I also want control, but then i know that I want to pursue my spiritual path more. So then the shadow subdues.
I understand my shadow.
My life would not have occured with another mother or wife or even my sisters. they are all continuation of our past lives. I did so much stupid things despite being an enlightened master in those lives. In this life, I chose to make it all right.
What a life of understanding I am able to lead. This is the true luxury:
- time to read and learn
- time to reflect and so deep self-therapy
- write down my story as it unfolds
- feel my shadow, play with it and heal it
- let myself be depressed and rise again
- knowing i have enough money
- knowing my mother will finance my son’s education if needed
This life is as good as if was dead and enlightened. you can say I have the best of both worlds: the world of the dead and the world of the living.
