1. good or bad
2. desirable or undesirable
3. unavoidable or avoidable

Should the objective of conflict be:

1. to end or to start
2. for a purposeful end or just to dominate
3. to vent off anger or to dissolve anger

Conflict is a such a thing many of us are in dilemma about.  Thumb rules are:

1. As far as possible avoid conflict and walk away
2. when it is avoidable, make sure you calculate what you say, how you say, what you repeat
3. conflict leads to regret but if the above calculations are made well, regret can be minimized
4. don’t engage in  conflict when you are stressed, tired, sick or upset.  These symptoms will only increase and you will lose or win but create irreparable damage
5. When tears start falling and volumes get too high, take a break. 

What is the cause of conflict?

It can be summarized into just one concept: expectation gap. 

• What i expect is so contradictory to what he/she wants that conflict is natural recourse
• What i want is so different from what he/she wants that conflict occurs naturally

Another aspect of conflict is the one going on inside of us.  It is called internal conflict. 

• to eat or not
• to drink or not
• to take option 1 or option 2

The root of all this conflict is one: Lack of Clarity.  Sadly some of us are born with it, others grow in it, and yet others spend arduous time in its pursuit.  Those who don’t take one of the three paths, remain condemned to confusion.  Confusion leads to internal conflict. 

Then it is simple.  Imagine two couples starting from point A , going to point B.  Couple 1 is clear and thus head straight to point B , but couple 2 is not clear and thus are in continuous conflict.  Who will reach point B first? 

Obviously couple 1 will. 

Now couple 1 and couple 2 can be compared to conflicting aspects within us.  Yes, you got my point.  If you are in conflict inside, you won’t make it to the finish line. 

Well , conflict is a difficult component of existence.  We all have fallen it in, but few have been able to transform it into a positive force. 

This is not only an art but a transferable skill.  More of this in another blog.

When does a young person taught that he could be next Bill Gates, that he too could live a swank’s lifestyle, that he could also change the world, come to accept that he won’t make it and thus have to find his own path? 

When does a young person fed in the head that with higher education he can command higher education, that with ambition he can become the CEO, that with hardwork he can generate multifold profit, come to accept that it might have been true for some people but not him or her?

When does a young person bombarded with so many images of beauty on the screens, thinking he or she could get the most eligible person as spouse, thinking tha buying the best fasion could make him or her desirable, thinking that being thin the best way, come to accept that life is not a movie?

On the other extreme, when does a person wake up to the reality that he has a destiny awaiting him.  It might be to start a company, to become the CEO or to change the community’s certain malpractice? 

When does a person wake up to the fact that he is special , that he has gift that no other have?

When does a person wakes up to the call of his heart telling him to cross the self-imposed lines he made?

Life is a contradiction in itself. 

I’ve lived both ends of this debacle of the mind.  By now i am good at separating illusionary thinking with reality-based thinking and closed thinking with open thinking. 

Well it is a skill we all need to polish.  Best of luck.

Today as i am setting up management systems and ERP’s i see myself as an engineer building a skyscraper or a hydropower plant.  There is so much challenges everyday but then there is a grand design to complete.  It took many years and sacrifice to find my vocation.  Years of training and counseling have added the skills required to implement ERP’s on the ground in record time.  Years of selling training and consulting have made me indestructible in spirit. 

It has been a hard and long journey. 

Today using the metaphor of engineering, i was building a power station and the river was still flowing.  I used diversion for the water, put up temporary structures and built the main structure. 

Last day i was totally knocked out by stress as i saw my ERP failing to keep up the speed of business flow.  But like a great engineer i fixed the problem.  Problems will come but i will design mechanisms and systems to mitigate them. 

So yes i am tired and the ERP is not complete yet. 

This ERP is not just a building, it is like a city all together.  I’m just loving the mission. 

I always followed by heart.  Many times it lead me to misery but i never gave up on it.  It was  test. Today i have synchronized my heart with my head. 

ERP architecture, engineering and construction is still in its infancy, but I know i will make it a great new industry.

My strategy for happiness used the following components:

1. conscious and programmed reaction to negative experiences thrown at me

2.  management of resentment

3.  structured and harmless venting off of anger, hatred, disappointment

4.  avoidance of elongated confrontation

5.  minimization of interaction with source of negative experience

6.  continued support on basic matters to even  source of negative experience

7.  training of mind to see half full of bottle

8.  replaying of mythical story of a sage who was happy even with a nasty woman because then he was free from attachment towards her and thus could focus on god

9.  Faith in love and understanding of the psychology of motherhood

10.  Cultivating of Higher purpose in terms sexuality

Well using these 10 compoents my strategy to happiness worked. 

Give it try.  I guarantee success.

Man wants in sequence :

1. Sex
2. Food
3. ego boosting

Woman wants  in sequence :

1. Security
2. Stability
3. Free money

Both as human beings want  in sequence :

1. Appreciation
2. Time
3. Support in times of need

If you can he aware Of this then you won’t be torn between expectation unmet and other people’ S expeitation you  can’t meet.

Guys, I think I found the elixir of eternal youth. It’s not a potion or a tablet or even a strict diet.

No it’s a mental, emotional , physical , spiritual discipline.

I watched two relevant movies yesterday , yes after so long because I was waiting for my program the next day. One was 12 rounds and the the other one was about 4 couples going to a resort called eden on a pelican package.

The former was about the extent a villain and a hero would go for love as to design 12 challenges from defusing bombs to stopping a running train and on the side of the villain to go to such extent to avenge the killing of his girlfriend.

The other movie was about marital reality. There were real problims nothing dramatic cr hypothetical. It’s a story of how couples wirk it out.

It was just so easy to relate to them because the couples represented both time periods in the mariasge or different couples types.

I’ve been through so much. I always came out alive .

I recall my days as struggling wanna-be-consultant. I literally begged my way to the top. I survived by ignoring insults thrown at me, total uncertainty. That’s why today I don’t accept payment if I feel i.m not entitled. I don’t work no more to survive. I work because its my mission .

This simple shift in the mental attitude gives me so much more happiness.

I pray that I never have to work just to pay my bills.

I had to stay idle to survive , that is what hurt me the most.

those days

For the past 38 years I thought I would never find my team mate to fulfilll the mission of my life: change the world. I thought so because I didn’t find that relationship and so I stopped even thinking such a meeting would occur.

But lately working as the chief consultaNt for the ceo of this company , I find myself closer to that mission.

Something real in tangible form , not just imagination is unfolding.

I am nearing 40 and I know its time I do something concrete in my life: in nepal it would be to create a business using an unprecedented business model and eventually selling at uncnviavable amount. I am part of this magic in nepal now as just a sparkle .

Lucky are the few who meet their dreamteam. I am one of them and it makes me feel overwhelmingly responsible not only to the company or the ceo but to my destiny itself.

Something is cooking .

It’s the roads first of all: they are built so that the most money can be saved or should I say distributed through the various channels. The roads are the narrowest possible.

There is no demarkation between where cars roll and people walk.

That is the biggest difference from the cities I lived and visited in the rest of the world.

Then it’s the people who all speak nepali, wear similar clothes.

Then there is no streelight anywhere.

Cars are the same.

Buses are operated using the same organization.

And the most similar thing is the soil and dust. We are seeing less and less of soil. I think that’s what we call development.

Chief Consultant or CC

This is a unique role in the play of organization’s life.

It was a difficult shift in consciousness as I was from being  an independent management Consultant to being the

Chief Consultant or CC of hevily invested fast growing Corporation. This shift  is like a extreme Survivor told “bring all your knowledge wisdom talent energy dedication you used to to Survive in the eXtreme to lead a nation. ”

But it-is more complicated. It is like a free spirit getting a body. But it is not like that exactly too.

I suddon’t know how to put my experience in words.

I’m or my way to unthinkable greatness and heroism. I had a personal cause to make ny existence successful. I had reached the summit of personal success. I had plateaued and even had considered to start a Consulting firm but I knew at this point it would be a sham. So I had delayed in the hope a new mission would expose itself to me. In deal the mission came… Now as the cc I have a renewed cause to make the existenCe Of an organization successful.

But Still l can’t totally detach myself from my survival days. Its like a savage going  to the jungle to eat even if be is permanently placed in  a five starhotel.

I don’t take any thing for granted and I  certainly won’t Start with my first avatar of Chief Consultant or CC.

How do I  call myself an avatar? It is an identity which one Can have Choice on when to gain or drop. It requires a high level  spiritual awakening.

Certainly I canit decide my new avatar after this body dies. At least not at- my current stage Of soul. But I am learning to work in tune witr my sub- Conscious or my higher self.

This current position I recognize not just like another  job or business but a transcendence too new avatar.

My last avatar of trainer and management Consultant/counselor is not all  behind because even though the world has changed fir me , my brand image has not diminished to my hundreds of clients.